Advocating for your child at school can feel overwhelming—especially when their struggles aren’t always obvious. Executive function difficulties are often invisible on report cards, hidden behind decent grades, or misinterpreted as behavioral problems. But for many students, these challenges are at the root of procrastination, emotional outbursts, disorganization, and low confidence in school settings.
Executive function refers to the set of mental skills we use to plan, organize, start and finish tasks, manage time, remember instructions, and control impulses. These skills don’t develop all at once—and for some students, they lag behind their peers. When these gaps go unrecognized, children may be labeled as careless, lazy, or oppositional, even when they are trying their best.
That’s why it’s so important for parents and teachers to work together. Open, collaborative conversations about executive function can be transformative—not just for improving a child’s academic experience, but for building their long-term confidence, independence, and resilience.
The good news? You don’t need a formal diagnosis, an expert title, or the perfect script to start the conversation. All you need is an understanding of what your child needs, a willingness to share your observations, and a mindset of partnership. Here’s a five-step guide to making the conversation with your child’s teacher both supportive and productive.
Five-Step Guide to a Supportive Conversation
Step 1: Start with Empathy
Before discussing challenges, begin by recognizing the teacher’s role and efforts. Teachers are often juggling the needs of many students with diverse learning styles and emotional needs. Starting with empathy sets a respectful tone and helps avoid defensiveness.
Try saying something like:
“Can I share something I’ve noticed that may be affecting how my child learns? I know you have a lot on your plate, and I really appreciate the work you’re doing to support the class.”
This kind of opening invites collaboration. It also positions you as a partner, not a critic—someone who wants to work with the teacher, not against them.
Remember, many teachers are familiar with terms like ADHD or dyslexia, but fewer have extensive training in executive function. Approaching the conversation with curiosity and kindness can lead to a more receptive and productive exchange.
Step 2: Describe Observable Behaviors
It’s tempting to use generalizations like “He’s lazy” or “She’s not motivated,” but those labels don’t help identify what’s actually going wrong—or how to help. Instead, focus on specific, observable behaviors that you’ve seen at home or heard about from your child.
Think about what you would record on video. What does your child actually do (or not do) that is interfering with their learning?
Examples might include:
• “He often sits at his desk for 10 or 15 minutes without starting unless someone gives him a verbal prompt.”
• “She forgets to turn in work that she completed the night before.”
• “He shuts down when he’s given multiple-step directions and doesn’t know how to begin.”
• “She rushes through tasks to ‘get them over with,’ and misses key details.”
These types of descriptions provide clear, actionable insight for teachers. They help the teacher reflect on classroom patterns that may not have stood out—and can guide brainstorming around potential strategies.
Step 3: Share What Works at Home
You know your child better than anyone. If you’ve found ways to support them at home—no matter how small—they can be helpful clues for the teacher.
Even if a strategy can’t be implemented exactly the same way in the classroom, it may spark creative adaptations. It also shows the teacher that you’re not just pointing out a problem, but actively working toward solutions.
Some examples to share include:
• “We’ve started using a visual checklist for homework time. She checks off each step as she goes, which helps her stay on task.”
• “Transitions used to be tough, but a five-minute warning before we switch activities helps him prepare mentally.”
• “A simple kitchen timer has been a game-changer. He can focus for 15 minutes, then takes a short break.”
• “Breaking assignments into parts and writing the steps on a sticky note keeps her from feeling overwhelmed.”
Let the teacher know what you’ve tried, what seems to help, and what hasn’t worked. The goal isn’t perfection—it’s creating consistency and support across environments.
Step 4: Ask, Don’t Demand
Advocacy doesn’t have to mean giving orders. The most effective conversations are collaborative. Instead of telling the teacher what to do, ask questions that invite input and creativity.
Consider phrasing your ideas like this:
• “Would it be helpful to do a quick planner check-in with him at the end of the day?”
• “Do you think a visual schedule on her desk might reduce stress around transitions?”
• “Is there a system that might support him with remembering to turn in assignments?”
• “Have you seen any strategies work for other students with similar challenges?”
These kinds of questions show that you trust the teacher’s judgment and experience, while still advocating for your child’s needs. They also encourage ongoing dialogue, rather than a one-time solution.
If you do need to request something more formal—like accommodations through a 504 Plan or IEP—this kind of collaborative tone helps lay the groundwork for a smoother process.
Step 5: Document and Follow Up
After the initial conversation, take a few notes about what you discussed. Record what strategies were agreed upon, what the next steps are, and when you’ll check back in. This helps keep everyone accountable and ensures that promising ideas don’t get lost in the shuffle of a busy school year.
Following up is key. It communicates that you’re engaged, that you care about the outcome, and that you’re available to tweak things as needed.
You might follow up with a brief email like:
• “Thanks again for your time last week. I really appreciate your willingness to try the checklist idea. Could we touch base in a few weeks to see how it’s going?”
• “Just checking in—has the planner system made any difference so far?”
• “Let me know if there’s anything I can reinforce at home to support what you’re doing in class.”
The goal is not to micromanage—it’s to keep the conversation alive and ensure your child gets the consistent support they need to grow.
Final Thoughts: Normalize the Conversation
Talking about executive function shouldn’t feel taboo or overly clinical. These are essential life skills—like time management, organization, and emotional regulation—that all kids are developing at different rates. When we treat executive function as just another part of learning, we remove the shame and confusion that often surrounds it.
The more we normalize conversations about these challenges, the better we can support all learners. Every child benefits when parents and teachers partner to understand and respond to how kids think, work, and grow.
Executive function challenges are real. But with the right tools, consistent support, and a collaborative approach, children can develop the skills they need not only to survive in school—but to thrive in life.
